Long Time Gone

Ok, so it's been a while since I updated, which is a personal bummer since I had been updating fairly frequently. Life catches up with you and you do the best you can to stay a head of the game but it doesn't always work out. That doesn't mean I haven't been watching movies.


Let's see....

There was GNAW - a British flick about a cannibalist killer staring a bunch of 20-somethings I couldn't give a rats fat @$$ about and was glad when they started getting killed off. There is the "edgy" girl with a secret and when we find out what the secret is I could already guess her fate.

The movie does something I hate because I find that it underminds my intelligence. The opening credits start with missing posters and newspaper articles and focus on one girl, who again appears as two of the characters eat at a burger roach coach with the male character staring hard and studying the missing poster.

So when her picture is found among the killer's layer there was no need to have the flashback showing this character looking at the missing poster again. I think the average audience is intelligent enough to realize it's the same girl. And you'd think with a premise this brutal that there would be more gore. Frankly the breakfast scene of blood sausage was more stomach turning than anything else in this movie. And the pacing drags a bit too. All in all I'd say watch it if there's nothing else on, otherwise, just watch Dawn of the Dead again.

Zombieland

This past Friday I went with my teenage cousin and my girlfriend to see Zombieland. There is a great deal of info and reviews on the web right now so instead of adding too it I'm just going to say. GO SEE THIS MOVIE! NOW! I haven't laughed like that in a while and my only complaint is a personal one.

I don't really like Bill Murray.

Masters of Horror: Homecoming

I've been listen to a number of old and current podcasts lately that have talked about this episode of Masters of Horror. One podcast raved about it while another wants to kick Joe Dante in the balls for making such a heavy handed political statement in an otherwise good zombie flick. Personally I just want to kick Joe Dante in the balls for not respecting the very people he is writing about. What do i mean by this, well here's a quick run down of the plot and I'll tell you where he went unforgivably wrong.


Here's the brief synopsis from Netflix:

"In the politicized chiller Homecoming, dead soldiers come back to life to get in one last word -- by voting in the presidential election. While the U.S. is at war overseas, a political puppet says it'd be great if the martyrs of war could return to express their gratitude for serving their country. Unfortunately, he gets his wish, and the dead aren't all that grateful."


The political puppet beign spoke of is David Murch who is a political consultant for the President of the United States. He also brings up his deceased brother who was killed in Viet Nam. This little bit add a small side story and my biggest complaint. Murch and his mother go to his brother's grave and it clearly says "Lance Corporal Phillip Murch". Later (SPOILER ALERT) when his brother comes back he is wearing an Army uniform with a big 1st Calvary patch on his left arm.

Call any Marine and Soldier and your libel to get a swift kick in the rear.

I grew up in a military town. My father, uncle and two of my cousin are Marines. I have several friends in various branches of the military all of whom have been to various parts of the Middle East. So it pisses me off when a director can't take 20 mintues out of the day to fix something that anyone who has ever been close to the military would notice.

You can say it's trivial but for me, it matters.

Deadgirl

There has been strong reaction in the horror world over Deadgirl and rightfully so. I listened to the podcasts that hailed this movie as a must see for all horror fan and read the blogs that said this movie is disgusting, vile and should have never been made. Thanks to Netflix Watch Instantly feature I was able to see this film and judge for myself.

Deadgirl is the story of JT and Rickie, two high school aged boys and best friends. They are the loser, stoner kids from broken homes who, one fateful day cuts class and decided to go drink some beer in an abandon asylum. After exploring the asylum while breaking things and vandalizing it they decide to explore the basment area. It is behind a locked, rusted door they find the Deadgirl strapped to a table and covered by a clear plastic sheet.

I could go into the character development and the moral and ethical choices that were made by each character, but I thought the ending was kind of predictable when I sat and thought about it for a minute. What else would the viewer expect would happen to Rickie in that given situation?

The thing about Deadgirl that struck me was The Deadgirl herself. Jenny Spain plays The Deadgirl, a grunting, growling ferral creature that still somehow seems more human than the boys. The thing is, had The Deadgirl not been dead, but mearly a girl strapped to a table that these boys came across Jenny Spain might be up for an Oscar for best actress. But throw in the blatant necrophilia and many critics and some audiences run the other way screaming in terror.

Don't get me wrong, this was not easy to watch from the safety and comfort of my own couch. I can only imagine the embarrassment and awkwardness of watching this film in a crowded theater. There were scenes that made bile rise in my throat. Several times I had to stop myself from turning it off altogether. However, I'm glad I didn't. It's taken several days to be able to put into words my gut reaction to this movie and I still don't think I can say what I want to say about it.

This movie is unflinching in it's cruelty and inhumanity that is perpetrated by the humans. This is one of the best movies I have ever scene. This is not a zombie film, this is not a horror film in the classic or even modern sense. This film is scary as hell and a must see.

Mum & Dad

I recently had the dis/pleasure of watching MUM & DAD, the 2008 British release from Director Steven Sheil. This movie is dark, gory and uncomfortable to watch at times which only add to the intensity of the film.

The plot follows Lena, a Polish immigrant who works as a cleaning lady at an airport with the talkative Birdie and her shy brother Elbie. One night Lena misses her bus home and Birdie offers to take Lena home to her house. Shortly after arriving Lena is knocked unconscious and given an injection in the throat. Lena wakes to a woman screaming and discovers that she is chained to a bed and unable to talk. This is where we first meet Mum & Dad. Mum enters and tells Lena stay calm, that getting upset excites Dad, who is covered in blood and breathing heavy. Mum tells Lena that as long as she is with her, Dad won't hurt her. Lena is injected with something to put her to sleep and when she wakes she is tied to a frame and Mum begins to "play" with her by carving into her skin.

On our first real introduction to Dad Lena is escorted by the family into his playroom. He has his back to them while masturbating and it's not until he's finished that we see he was using more than his favorite hand. He tells Lena that she may belong to Mum but that this is his house and his rules and if she fails to make Mum happy she will have to deal with him.

Our next scene has Lena joining the family for breakfast, which seems pretty normal except for the porno on the t.v. and Birdie placing her stolen goods into a cookie jar.

This film is disturbing on many levels. Elbie and Birdie are Mum & Dad's adoptive "children" yet they seem ready to follow in their "parent's" footsteps. There are blatant overtones of cannibalism, incest, and necrophilia. And a demented Christmas scene that might actually be normally dysfunctional save then decorations and the gifts. In this scene we also get the back story on Mum & Dad's biological child referred to as "the Spastic."

This film leaves you on the edge of your seat hoping that Lena will escape, cringing at the various acts and antic of this family. When it finally all comes to a head I can only think to compare it too the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre without the twirling killer. tension is built by the lack of any music and the only background noise is the sound of passing planes and a heavy electrical hum which only add to making us feel Lena's desolation and terror.

This film is not for the faint of heart. If the torture porn genre doesn't appeal to you leave this one on the shelf.

The Prowler

As I kid I remember stalking the horror section of the video store looking for anything that seemed like it might actually be scary. It was the late 80's and the whole horror comedy thing was hip. I remember seeing this video cover on the shelf but never got around to renting it. The Prowler was released in 1981 in the beginnings of the early 80's slasher craze and has the amazing Tom Savini as it's special effects artist. Needless to say the effects are spot on and the exploding head scene looks great.

The movie starts with a prologue of sorts that tells the story of Rosemary, a young debutant who sends a Dear John letter to her G.I. boyfriend who is off somewhere fighting in World War II.

It's June 28, 1945 and Rosemary and her current beau sneak away from the Spring Dance and her father's eye to the gazebo for a little alone time. The two are then murdered by a masked solider who leaves a rose for Rosemary and the viewer is left to guess that the solider is the jilted lover.

Fast forward 35 years later and a group of girls currently living at the boarding school run by Rosemary's now invalid father are preparing to hold the first Spring Dance since the murders.

The main character is Pam, a cute blond whose boyfriend is a local Sheriff's Deputy named Mark. Mark has some super hair on him. The Sheriff decides since Mark has been of the force for two years that he's going to go out of town anyway, event though an escaped convict is on the loose the next town over.

The movie from here is pretty standard slasher formula with the drinkers and fornicators getting whacked and the innocent looking blond being chased but always seeming to evade the killer. There is one scene that struck in my mind because it was almost the same as a scene in Friday the 13th Part 2 which was released the same year. The scene in The Prowler has Pam running through an empty room in the old man's mansion and hiding under a bed. The Prowler is behind her knocking over various furniture in search of her and spooks a rat which decides to hide with her.

In Friday the 13th Part 2 there is a similar scene in which our cute blond lead Ginny is hiding under a bed while Jason tosses the cabin searching for her and a rat decides to join her. The only difference is urine. If you've seen Friday the 13th Part 2 you'll know what I am talking about.

All in all The Prowler was pretty standard slasher fair but well worth the watch if nothing more then to say that I've scene it. I'm think I'm going to rent it again. My girlfriend sent it back to Netflix before I could fully watch it with the commentary By Tom Savini and Director/ Producer Joesph Zito, who later went on to direct Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter with Tom Savini as his special effects artist. The first five minutes of commentary I did see were pretty damn funny.

On a side note, I'd like to mention that on his blog yesterday David Moody posted that the final version of Autumn will become available. As posted from his blog:

"Over the course of the next few weeks and months, people around the world are finally going to be able to see the AUTUMN movie (and I mean the proper, finished movie – not the poor quality, unfinished rip that was leaked online and which has been unfairly generating bad press around the Internet recently). At the end of the day, AUTUMN is a low budget indie horror film which, like many indies, will be released wherever deals are made, whenever those deals are made."


I'm looking forward to it.

Pontypool vs. Autumn

I've seen a number of movies over the past couple of weeks. The first was Pontypool, a film making the indie and film fest circuit over the spring and summer.

This movie is based on the book Pontypool Changes Everything by Tony Burgess. The basic plot is of a radio shock jock in the small town of Pontypool in Quebec, Canada. The action takes place in the radio studio and there are three main characters, Grant, Sydney and Laurel Ann.

In Pontypool, location is everything. It's even what makes the people in the town turn into 28 Days esque zombies.

The movie itself is shot beautifully, the snow and shear whiteness of the surrounding area give the viewer a almost claustrophobic feel. I felt like I was stuck in the studio with these characters. I opened my blinds excepting to see nothing but snow around me.

The movie shifts from color to black and white in a obituary montage that helps move the story along nicely but, if you are like my girlfriend, you find yourself wondering how the characters know all this information when they don't know whats going on in the first place.

Pontypool reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw. "The English Language didn't borrow from other languages. It followed them down a dark alley, clubbed them over the head and went through their pockets."

Next on my list is Autumn, based on a novel by David Moody. On a side note I'm currently reading Haters, another novel by Moody and I have to say I am impressed.


Autumn is the story of three survivors of a plague that causes citizens to cough blood and then die. Of, course the dead to regain motor skills and begin to get up and walk around.

They movie itself is sort of slow paced. If you are looking for big zombie action, this is not the film for you. This film is about the little things of character development.

I will add I saw this movie on a bootleg screener's copy from a "Source" and that the audio wasn't always the best quality and this may not be the final version of the film that will be in theaters.

There is a twist in these zombies that I won't give away. Let's just say that up until a point, this zombie apocalypse was fairly bearable.

I will go see this movie when/if it comes to my town. I don't usually pay to see movie in the theater unless it's in Imax.

These two movies have unique takes on what makes a zombie and both have a certain claustrophobia that makes it even better.

Also, I liked the fact that both these movies didn't use big name Hollywood actors. I didn't recognize a single person in these films which allowed me to be able to get into them even more.

Thank for the Memories

REST IN PEACE JOHN HUGHES. Thanks for the memories.

Dean Koontz's Frankenstien Series

Let me say that I'm not a fan of Dean Koontz. I tired many times to get into his work, but just couldn't do it. But I was interested in his re-imagining of Frankenstein. I'll give a brief overview of the plot which expands over three books.


The story takes place in New Orleans and features four main characters, Carson O'Connor a hot headed, fast driving NOPD Homicide detective, her partner, Michael Maddison, the original Frankenstein's monster Deucalion and the good doctor himself, now known as Victor Helios.


Helios has been working long and hard over the past 240 years to produce a master race that will work to serve him. This new race waits, void of most emotions, with the exception of hate, anger, and lust and just meat machines that do his bidding and are competely obediant to him. while waiting for the day that they go to open war and kill off the human race or old race.


I'm going to focus this review on the last novel in the series Dean Koontz's Frankenstein: Dead and Alive. I have waited for almost four years for this novel to come out. I had to know how it all ended. now that i know, I am sadly disappointed. Let's just say that I, as the reader, had to suffer through the inane plot line of Jacko to be able to get to the end. Think of Jacko as the Jar Jar Binks of the series. I felt there was so much more Koontz could have done with this plot line. Jacko is what happened to a male New Race member who gave birth. I guess I should mention that throughout the series the New Race are direct to brain download educated and programmed and are engineered to be sterile. So when a male member of the New race splits open and out walks a little white troll like creature the reader is left to wonder the possibilities.


Oh, and there is also countless pages wasted on Bucky and Janet that serve as nothing more than a way for the detectives to get a dog. The dog in the end doesn't serve a purpose either.


Another thing that bothered me about the series is that in a matter of days all of the New Race members the reader encounters are having problems. There is a maid in the Helios house that is killing children, another who believes she is a character from Rebecca. The butler is chewing off his fingers, the New Race members that are living and working and waiting all over the town are having breakdowns and the arrogant Dr. Helios is such a megalomaniac that he doesn't see it as a problem as a whole, but as singular problems unique to each individual.

How it all ends.

I won't spoil it, other than to say that it was so anti-climatic. No big gun battles, one explosion, no blood. It's too wrapped up for me and well, it's not really over when all is said and done.

All in all I was very disappointed with this novel. I give it 1 out 5 stars which is too bad since the other two novels in the series gave this one so much potential that was wasted on filler.

Tron: Legacy

I saw the Tron: Legacy trailer a few weeks back in Imax and was so geeked I could hardly contain myself. Now it's making it's rounds around the web with the general mix of reviews.

I adored Tron.

That movie was so cool and I spent countless quarters playing the Tron game at the arcade. I'm excited to see this. Even if it's crappy plot wise it will be pretty cool graphics wise. I want to see how that world evolved as our technology evolved. The release date has been pushed up from 2011 to 2010. I'm counting the days.

Duran Duran Did It First

So I've been listening to a number of horror podcast lately and everyone of them talks about the total awesomeness of Michael Jackson's Thriller video and yes indeed, it was awesome. For many of the podcaster my age this video was the moment they got into zombies and horror in general. I remember being at my aunt's house with my parents and watching the premiere. I got about as far as Michael looking up with his yellow eyes and then mine shut. I spent the rest of the video with eyes closed as tight as I could get them. However, for me, my fascination with zombies started with a little known video called "Night Boat" by Duran Duran.

My sister and I are 6 years apart and grew up sharing a room. She was IN LOVE WITH DURAN DURAN. I can't stress this enough. Every inch of the walls on her side were covered with pictures from magazines like 16, Tiger Beat and Star Hits which later became Smash Hits. She also had a grainy video tape that was a dub of a dub of a dub for some one's satellite of some Duran Duran videos. One of these was Night Boat. It's the first song on the second side of their first self titled album.

The video starts as standard Duran Duran fare with the band walking around Antigua but there is foreshadowing of a hanging walkie-talkie mic and an empty store. There is a weird little dialogue between Nick Rhodes and Simon Le Bon with Simon telling Nick "She'll be here soon." Nick asks "Who is she?" Simon replies "Nobody knows what she looks like." Nick asks again "Who is she anyway?" to which Simon replies "She's the fairies' mid-wife." and breaks into a few couplets from I believe A Midsummer Night's Dream. Then we see a flash of a "zombie" face (it looks like cracking plaster) and then John Taylor throws off his trade mark Fedora and screams.

The rest of the video is the band, with the exception of Simon, being chased by torn linen clad zombies around the island while Simon hitches a ride of the zombie yacht and sails away with torn sails. This video was filmed and released in 1982 while the Thriller video was released in 1983. Yes, Michael may have done it better, but Duran Duran did it first.

Welcome

Hi, I'm coffeemug and this is my blog "Any Idiot Can Do It" where I will review books, movies, music and what not and hopefully soon be able to turn this into a podcast. For my first review I would like to write about Breathers by S.G. Browne a novel about two things near and dear to my heart - zombies and Santa Cruz, Ca. I really enjoyed this novel. I found the world Browne created where, do to some genetic anomaly, one in every few hundred people become part of the undead is believable. The way the society handles it's second class un-citizens is also realistic. In Browne's world people have been re-animating on record since the Civil War.


The setting is mainly in Soquel, Ca, a town just a few miles from Santa Cruz along Highway 1. Here we meet our main character and narrator Andy, a mid-thirties undead who lost his wife and himself to a car accident. Andy is unable to talk but likes to form haiku's, drink the wine in his parents cellar where he lives and watch television. He also attends Undead Anonymous meeting where the reader is introduced to characters like Jerry, Rita and Helen. Rita is a beautiful suicide who Andy takes a liking too.

The novel opens with Andy waking in his parent's kitchen one December day in a pool of melted ice cream and expensive wine. As he tries to recall why he's out of the wine cellar and covered in ice cream and wine he discovers the bodies of both his parents in the freezer and from there the story begins. Andy is pretty much an average zombie, shunned by society, his father always threatening to turn him over to a zombie zoo or worse and his mother trying to be supportive but just being cold and distant.

Things begin to change with Andy, Rita, Jerry and the rest of Santa Cruz County Chapter of Undead Anonymous with the introduction of Ray, an independent living zombie. Ray inspires the group to take control of their un-lives by interesting means and Andy and the group find themselves thrust before the national media as the faces of the Undead Rights movement. But the new found celebrity doesn't do anything to protect the group from drunken frat boys bringing a showdown that is both comical and horrific.

All in all I enjoyed this book immensely and give it 4 out of 5 stars. I would have given it 5 but I can't help but feeling Browne watched ZA: Zombie Anonymous a few too many times before writing this. Still it is a great, easy, enjoyable summer read.